Tuesdays with Corey interview with Diana Murphy
Diana Murphy, Executive Wellness Coach, supports busy executives and sales leaders in taking care of their health and overall wellness. Clients experience less stress, more confidence, and an ease around food and exercise they had not realized was possible. She understands the challenges of time and stress and provides beautiful tools to get clients back on track. With enthusiasm and insight, Diana presents an individualized strategy just for you. Diana creates a comfortable, non judgmental relationship where her clients can process their personal challenges. Working together as a team, you'll develop your health in a way that is in alignment with your goals and integrity. Listen to her new podcast Wellness for Top Performers!
Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX Studios in Atlanta, Georgia, it's time for Atlanta Business Radio, spotlighting the city's best businesses and the people who lead them.
Katy Galli: Hi, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Atlanta Business Radio. I'm Katy Galli, and I'm joined today with our host, Mr. Corey Rieck because it is time for Tuesdays with Corey. But it's not actually Tuesday this month, right?
Corey Rieck: It is not. It's a special episode.
Katy Galli: It is a very special episode. And of course, Tuesdays with Corey would not be made possible without The Long Term Care Planning Group. So, Corey, who did you bring in studio with you today?
Corey Rieck: Well, today we have another great show. We have Diana Murphy of Diana Murphy Coaching. Diana, welcome.
Diana Murphy: I'm so glad to be here. This is exciting.
Corey Rieck: It really is. You've built a business where you coach executives and business owners to take care of themselves as it relates to their health. And you provide the coaching, and background, and guidance to help them with their nutrition and exercise. And tell us about your business.
Diana Murphy: Okay, great. So, I love helping and guiding. It's really a guiding people towards their best self. And when they're feeling off track around food or around their exercise routine and feeling really distracted by it by their growing amazing businesses, I help them pull it all back in. And I guide them really to their own wisdom around it. And we have so many messages about what we're supposed to be doing around our wellness, and it really becomes we think of it as a project and we're not a project. And when we focus back in on what we know really works for us, I guide them to that, so that they can just not have to really think about it very much.
Corey Rieck: You mentioned that you help business executives and business owners take care of themselves in an intuitive and empowered manner. What does that mean?
Diana Murphy: Okay. So, really, if we sit down and get really calm about not what we should do, but what we really want to do around different things, but we have limiting beliefs that it's too much time, I should hire a babysitter so I can work out at 5 p.m, we have other thoughts that kind of get in the way. So, I help them clear the clutter of the thoughts that might distract them from their best plan, but help them really own what they want to be doing.
So, for example, somebody thinks that because when they ran once, they had a season of running and doing races, that that is what they have to do again five years later to lose weight, but they hate it. And I help them see that playing with their kids at night, the things they really desire are doing because they've had a shift in their lifestyle, I help them see, "No, really, playing tennis with your guy friends and playing with your kids at night might be all your body needs."
Corey Rieck: How do you help them get there? And how do you make it okay for them in their own minds to not work out, to kick back and play with their kids, and enjoy their family time? How do you do that?
Diana Murphy: So, a should is a thought. So, if you think the thought, "I need to run to lose weight," but when you say the word run, your whole body just sinks because-
Corey Rieck: Shutters, yes.
Diana Murphy: Yes. And so, that feeling does not create action. It does not create creative planning. It creates ... I don't know about you, but when you hate something, you will resist it. And so, when I help them see that that thinking is what's getting in their way, and it's simply an opportunity to change their thought around running. And those thoughts keep coming back up, that's why coaching is so effective to kind of help people track along, but it truly is the way we think about our lives is creating our lives.
Corey Rieck: So, with regard to working out, do you think that there's anything to this whole idea of muscle confusion? Do you think that it's important for people to vary their workouts that you coach?
Diana Murphy: I do. And I work out in a studio that practices that. And that's why I'm so in love with it. I'm going to give a shout out to Witzlib Studio and Peachtree on Peachtree Hills Road. Every time I walk in that studio, I know somebody is going to guide me to something very different. But what's really fascinating, because I'm the coach, is I know it's also the brain. Like I know if I do the same routine exercise every day, I'm going to be bored, and my brain won't want to go to the gym. So, I think there's both. And I don't study very deeply nutrition or exercise. I know a lot about it from my own experience, but I do think there's a double facet always to those things.
Corey Rieck: One of your taglines, and I really like this, "I'm Diana Murphy, I help smart corporate men and women increase their confidence, restore their health, and lose weight." And does all that fit together?
Diana Murphy: It does. Like give the example in the end point. Somebody is running a really successful business. They are growing. And oops, they notice, "Oh my God, I've gained 20 pounds," and it's really common during those seasons to have weight gain. I just want to disarm the, "Oh my god, it's a horrible thing." Nope, it's just weight. But then, because our clothes don't fit well or we're not feeling comfortable in our own skin, it literally starts racking and undermining that person's confidence.
Diana Murphy: And this is where I love coming in is helping those clients to move back to their zone of genius and their businesses and to stop beating themselves up about what happened physically around the weight gain. And then, by guiding them to intuitive eating and things, so they don't have to think about it very much. It becomes more natural to take care of their body again. They get more in their zone of genius in their business, and the weight is not distracting, and literally, then, it it starts falling off.
Corey Rieck: Zone of genius.
Diana Murphy: Zone of genius.
Corey Rieck: I love that.
Diana Murphy: I think we all have one.
Corey Rieck: I love that phrase. What does that entail? What do you mean?
Diana Murphy: I think we all are wired to operate in the world in a zone that we begin to know as we have different experiences through corporate life, through my own life experiences that brought me to my business. And when we don't honor that, and we're not really living that out, I think that's a very common time to gain weight and to get very uncomfortable. And I've been really realizing that that's when people come to me, and I help them, guide them back to that zone. Like they're afraid or they're frustrated with some of the results they've been having, and I help guide them back to that zone. So, they feel in alignment. When we feel in alignment, we take much better care of our bodies in a more natural way.
Corey Rieck: You mentioned the word alignment. Does that mean you're helping people's intent to equal their actions?
Diana Murphy: Yeah. And we'll intend to lose weight, but like I said, all those shoulds, and I should do this diet, and I should eat this way, and I should eat perfectly, and I can't ever fall off the wagon gets us a little locked up sometimes. So, most times, it's helping my clients to take off the layer of self-criticism and get really curious about what works and get back into alignment. Like where we're feeling peaceful and comfortable and confident.
Corey Rieck: I've had a lot of guests on the show and people get on the show because they're highly recommended by someone else that's been on the show. And I think that one of the common themes that comes up is that the people that have been on the show are very successful, but they're very harsh on themselves.
Diana Murphy: Very natural.
Corey Rieck: And that could be a reason why they got to where they are so quickly. But how do you get people to not do that? How do you get them to think about that differently?
Diana Murphy: I show them that it's not working. When we are really harsh, like just even think about that right now, when you think of a "Oh my god, I ate a doughnut," I'm going to use a really bland example, but business owners will-
Corey Rieck: Doughnuts are fun.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, doughnuts are fun. And there's should be joy eating, believe me.
Corey Rieck: Yes.
Diana Murphy: I don't eat perfectly, don't watch what I eat, but because I'm not that perfect dieter, but it really is that level of criticism, like trying something new in their business, and they are getting impatient, seeing whether it's working, and they will commonly, "This is my default. I did it wrong. I did it wrong. I did it wrong." When I think that thought, it creates a lot of negative emotion and it freezes me up. It makes me want wine. It makes me not get creative and evaluate my results in a more positive, creative way.
Corey Rieck: So, maybe the context in your head is, "All right. We're fishing in, and we're going to try a different bait. We're going to cast a little bit differently." I know in my business, I've tried plenty of business development-related tactics. And so, I think one of the things that's important is you have to try it for a set period of time, and then measure whatever outcomes you have, good, bad or indifferent. And if you don't get the outcome you want, there has to be some solace in, "Hey, I tried."
Diana Murphy: Absolutely.
Corey Rieck: I took action.
Diana Murphy: We really need to celebrate not this end result, because by the time when we set big goals, by the time we get there, our brain is already wanting the next goal. So, celebrating along the way creates a lot of positive momentum. I want to add something here, if you don't mind. Also, we will take different action if we really are practicing and leaning into believing that what we really are doing is valuable and is going to work. Like that is a very different. If we're timid and really aren't believing in ourselves in that moment, then we are going to shrink back and not take enough action to create that result. So, a lot of the work I do with clients, a lot of work I'm doing and growing my business is really believing in those results. And my brain thinks of much more creative and life-giving ideas when I'm in that believing space. Does that make sense?
Corey Rieck: It does. So, were there a series of events or incidences that led you to start your company, start your business?
Diana Murphy: Oh, yes. My own story. I was-
Corey Rieck: Which is?
Diana Murphy: I was put on a diet when I was nine years old, I spent most of my life and most of my adult life thinking that I would not be fixed until I figured out the right diet to lose the weight for good. And during a journey of when my kids were about to leave, I was a at-home-full-time mom, I have a corporate husband that was traveling around the world, and the way to operate our life was me, really, I loved what I did in supporting our family by being home with them, but I was not taking care of myself.
And that journey of me really learning to ... and was in a recent podcast of the belief that I switched from, "I was broken and needed to find this solution," moved into "I'm going to learn about this solution." And once I figured it out for me, I knew there were other men and women suffering around this that I really have wanted to help. And now, I'm seeing the deeper effect in business owners. And that's really gravitating, given me a lot of energy to want to support other people that are really operating in a very brave space and do deserve the support of a coach to kind of pull it all together.
Corey Rieck: One, I think that knowing you, you come across as very warm, as very nonjudgmental, as calm. And I think that that is important for somebody that you're going to help them get hold of these things. Somebody that does not have those qualities probably isn't going to be successful doing what you're suggesting. I think another thing that resonates is that this whole wellness thing, you hear people talk about it. You hear people talk about work life balance. And to me, you look at how information has evolved - nutrition, hydration, exercise, eat this, not that - and how everything fits together. And it seems to me, you're kind of helping your client base put it all together, so they can be more finely tuned to go do what they do and operate more in their zone of genius. Does that make sense?
Diana Murphy: Absolutely. Obviously, the way that we fuel ourselves. And I'm going deeper in this in my own work. I help my clients develop their fuel list, so that we do eradicate all the noise in the culture that is telling us so much what to do. There's a lot of good information, but our body's feedback is very powerful. And so, by developing a very clear fuel list of what works for them, they are in a position of, really, a much, much higher energy level and clarity mentally. And that that starts the process. That starts a process. And sometimes, I start with clients around food. And sometimes, I start with clients around exercise, I help them. I let them start with what they feel is the biggest thing that's broken or not working. And then, we start there, but I pull it all together by talking about every facet.
Corey Rieck: How do you help your clients come up with their fuel list?
Diana Murphy: So, there's three questions, and I'd love this as a takeaway. So, if you are really confused about what's working for you or what you should eat, it is really what food really, when after I've eaten it, I feel really good, even that immediate response. And some foods make us really sleepy or we feel really bloated. Those are not fuel for us, even if every list on in the world says that that's a great food for you. So, that's one critical factor. Then, it's, does that food last for two to three hours? Does it sustain you? Are you hungry right away? Last but not least, is it a food that you can not overeat easily? Like an apple is hard to overeat, but potato chips are really easy to overeat. They're not really fuel for most of us, but it's really knowing that those, when you hit those three factors that it is fuel for you. Sorry, Corey.
Corey Rieck: Yeah. I think that that is also ... all of that is very important - sustainability, eating something that makes you feel good, eating something that makes you perform. And this is kind of ... the whole nutrition thing, it's kind of a labyrinth because you walk into a store, and there's all these nutrition bars. And with me personally, it just kind of makes my head hurt trying to figure out, "Okay-"
Diana Murphy: That's the idea, yeah.
Corey Rieck: "... which one of these are okay? And is there some replacement bars that are better than others?" And it makes hard to evaluate. And can you shed any light on that?
Diana Murphy: Yes. So, again, you use those very questions every time you try out a bar. And I have some that feel really awful in my stomach the minute I eat them. And so, I just know that those are not for me. And there's others, like my clients eat a very ... if you looked at each client, they all have really very unique fuel list. Now, it is lean and green, but there are very sneaky personalizations that if we really honor that and really get in sync with our own body, really, it is very easy for our body to drop weight.
Corey Rieck: Well, one of the things that it seems you would address with folks that are busy and successful is the in-between, the cravings in between, and how do you sort of level out the food need, supposed to you're really hungry, and then eat something, and then you're doing kind of the high low.
Diana Murphy: Okay. So, if you're doing the fuel list, and tweaking that, and noticing that you get ravenously hungry, even though you're just ate, then that isn't fuel. And so, you tweak what you're eating, but it is a process. It is a learning process. And that's why the coaching series is so good. We give a lot of time to tweak and test. But cravings can come from a desire to feel better.
Diana Murphy: And that's the emotional work I do with clients. It's like I don't do feelings. Yes, we all do feelings. Most of my clients don't do a lot of feeling work because they're driving and hard getting. And there is a very beautiful way of learning to process those emotions instead of buffering them with food. And most of us stress eat or stress drink, and it's a very quick way to feel better. I help my clients to learn how to feel better. Even though if they got off the worst phone call with their boss or worst phone call with a potential client, I help them to process what is going on for them in that moment, so that they are no longer leaning into food to feel better. They're leaning into their own brain.
Corey Rieck: Outstanding. I think, looking at your website and looking at some of the things you help people with, one of the things that it's said that you assist people with is stopping people from overeating when they go out to eat.
Diana Murphy: Yeah. This is a big challenge. It is for me too. There's a lot of energy around dining out to eat. So, I teach my clients what's called the hunger scale. And this can be accessed on, I think, it's episode 10 on my podcast can describe this really well. I won't go into full detail, but learning to eat to our own hunger scale and eat to a light fullness, but also honor when we're lightly hungry. And so, in a dining experience, I help my clients to notice if it's hard for them to eat to the hunger scale, if they ignore food and just focus on their client. Everybody's a little different. But the reason we over eat in those moments is we might be nervous about the client meeting. And so, that's creating energy that we want to calm our body down. It might be because we have a clean plate philosophy that we grew up with. And-
Corey Rieck: I think everybody grew up with that.
Diana Murphy: We did. Yeah, I did. I think, it's very clear. And so, I have an exercise for that. And it's beautiful when we realize that we can either take the food home, but it's like, "Are we gonna waste it in the waste can? Are we going to waste it on our bodies?" It sounds kind of harsh, but it's really true when we start to really honor how taking brilliant care of our bodies, stopping at fullness. It's a skill. It really is a skill, because in those high energy charged environments, it's a place where we really need to pay attention. But when we do, we will realize that we might be really nervous about something the client just said. And if we can lean into that moment, instead of buffering it with food and getting really distracted, we might know next what to say. Like, we might then be so in the present, because we're present in our body listening to what's going on, and then very present with the client. And so, I find it to be very helpful for me. The hunger scale, for me, has helped me to stay very present in my life.
Corey Rieck: You mentioned that you have a podcast.
Diana Murphy: Yeah.
Corey Rieck: Tell the listenership about that.
Diana Murphy: Yes. So, it's called Empowered Wellness for Leaders. But I'm thinking of changing the title to Weight Loss for CEOs. So, I don't think my podcast producer is very happy about this, but I am excited about what I'm creating. There is a resource for anyone to really understand all the tools I just shared, our episodes. Like I will talk about field testing. I will talk about being nervous. I will talk about different challenges we have as business owners. And I talk about my own stories, I talk about my client stories, but I spend maybe 15 minutes unpacking one very simple concept. So, every Monday morning, you can be inspired and have just a little piece of wellness to work on it for that week.
Corey Rieck: You mentioned the word inspire, and I get that you do that loud and clear for your clients. How do you determine what inspires each person that you take on as a client?
Diana Murphy: Well, one thing, and you talked about this a little bit, we are very self-critical. Our brain leans towards negative very easily. We just all need to understand that.
Corey Rieck: But don't you have to do that if you're highly successful on some level? Don't you have to?
Diana Murphy: Have to?
Corey Rieck: Isn't it an important part of getting better realizing - and I'm not arguing with you, I'm just saying, isn't that an important characteristic for high achievers to have to be critical so they could take the next step?
Diana Murphy: Yes. But most times when we land on a very self-critical thought, it is not helping us to grow. Now, we think-
Corey Rieck: I'd agree with that.
Diana Murphy: We think we have to be hard on ourselves to push ourselves, and that takes a lot of energy. What if we believed the best about ourselves and it became easy? That's-
Corey Rieck: How do you get people to do that, though?
Diana Murphy: I see them how they can be. I see them as they are, which is amazing human beings. And I will see their zone of genius. I will see that glimmer. They do not see that they're stuck a little bit. And I help them to move back towards it. And I know from my own experience that those were the things that I had to unlock to get moving in my business and be brave. And I, now, can see that in others.
Corey Rieck: Yeah, I think that those, all of those things that you just said, when I think of the the coaches that have had the most impact on me, they helped unlock whatever I had locked up.
Diana Murphy: Yes.
Corey Rieck: They did it in a way that worked for me. And they were able to say, "Here's another way to do this. Give this some thought." Because I think a lot of high achievers, they don't really want to be told what to do, they want to perhaps be given perspective, and ideas, and suggestions. But when I think back to anybody that's had a serious impact on me, that's how it came about.
Diana Murphy: Well, one of the exercises, and this really relates to this, is we, as business owners, have a lot of shoulds in our brain, like a diet or like it's the same analogy. That's why both relate to each other so much. We have all these shoulds about a diet, and they lock you up because you don't know where to go.
Corey Rieck: What shoulds? Just give us some examples.
Diana Murphy: I should not eat dairy. I should eat this. I should eat four times a day. No, I should be doing intermittent fasting. Business owners have the same clutter in their brain. I should be doing social media. I should be networking. I should be writing. I should be. And I help clients along both paths, really, at the same time, get back to what you really want to do, what really lights you up. And sometimes, as business owners, I think we are so afraid, but that is our creative genius. And I am dropping a lot of the way I was doing social media. I'm dropping. It's almost like cleaning a closet. And when I grow, I know there's some things that need to go to the side. So, I help clients see that too.
Diana Murphy: And then, what do I really want to do? I want to do more of this. I love interviewing. I love my podcast. I love meeting amazing executives and networking situations. I love being referred and having conversations instead of sitting behind a computer and creating a lot of social media quotes. It's like, so, I know, for me, what is lighting me up is my growth path. And I help my clients to see that. And for them, it might be social media. It's like what lights you up really will help us to grow and move.
Corey Rieck: Well, of course what's working?
Diana Murphy: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And sometimes, I know for me that I've had to have coaching to seek as our brain, again, will lean towards negative. And I'll say things that are lies. Like I'll say I only have this going on. I only have seven clients. And then, I'll go look at my roster, and I have fifteen. It's like I don't know what it is about our brain, but it will lie to us. And so, like you were saying, like being realistic, and being counting, and measuring, and looking at things is still very, very important. But using it against ourselves is not helpful.
Corey Rieck: Well, I think it all comes back down to I think all of this fits together - nutrition, exercise and using exercise to really ... everybody needs a reset button, and whether that's taking a walk, or whether that's exercise, or whether that's cooking. So, it seems to me that you're pretty adept at helping people find that reset button and making sure that they're hitting it frequently.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, everybody is wired so differently. I had a huge resistance to cooking. And I had one of my launch week of my podcast, I had one of the busiest weeks ever because I was also launching a new opt-in and all this, and I was working 12-hour days. And I don't know why I was driven to it, but I immediately pulled out two recipes, and I just sat in the kitchen with music on, and cooked for entire like six hours. And I was like, "What was that?" And I listen to that now. Like I know it lights me up to give myself creative space to just go and cook something.
So, I help my clients to see what is lighting them up and remind them that, like when they do that, it's very life-giving. Walking outside for some clients, they have to be outside more. For people that are very grounded, they need yoga. All of us are so different and it's reminding. They'll remember, and they go, "Oh, yeah, I remember. I just love when I do that. Why am I not doing that?" So, we set a plan, and see what thoughts are in the way, and they get back again to the things that they are learning are really working for themselves. Now, for some, it might be new, but it is really finding, again, that zone of genius of what they know will work for themselves.
Corey Rieck: It seems to me that part of your engagement with the client is you're giving them permission on some level to enjoy the things that that they like.
Diana Murphy: Yes.
Corey Rieck: It seems strange though-
Diana Murphy: And you talked about balanced life, right? If you're an entrepreneur and a business owner, you do not have a balanced level.
Corey Rieck: No.
Diana Murphy: And that's okay. And to fuel it, and energize it, not feel guilty about spending time at home, but learning in small bite ways and beautiful ways to be very present with your family when you're there. If you travel a lot, learn to, "Oh, I love face time with my little girl before she goes to bed." Then, though, that might be the homework. And when we live our lives in a way that lights us up, we will be doing those things that are most important. We won't be ignoring our families because we won't be ignoring ourselves and our deeper connections.
Corey Rieck: On the cooking front, I think there's a lot of people that I believe get great enjoyment out of cooking. And I think the other thing that's interesting is if you're home, and you're cooking your own food, you know what's going in it. And there are a lot of adjustments you can make to have the food taste good, but not add the calories, and fat, and all sort of the bad stuff that you may get when you're in a restaurant. So, I find that when my wife and I eat at home, I feel better.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, it's cleaner. It is cleaner. We don't always know what people are putting in stuff, but I think when we have a mindset that eating out is bad, our brain will immediately go to every fried item on the menu and miss the grilled fish with the amazing fresh dill. And I think that this is where my clients get stuck to is I have to I have to cook fresh. Oh, no, you can shop like with Hello Fresh or any of the ... they need life hacks of making the thing they most desire to do and giving themselves permission to make some ease to it.
Diana Murphy: And for, some it might be chopping all day Sunday. It might be doing some other things that create some ease in it because we see it as such a big project, some of us, and that's why we don't do it. But when I saw it, I saw it that way. You see how I was so stuck, and I was talking about cooking fresh all the time, and I wasn't doing it. And now, my busiest week ever, I allowed myself to have a day off. And what did I go do? It was like, "Wow, I do love this." So, now, I'm integrating that into my daily routine. It might be that I have such a busy month next month that I start ordering groceries to be delivered, but they're all fresh and amazing. But I give myself permission to make it easier.
Corey Rieck: Well, I think with all of the information that's out there, and the tools, the apps, the watches, I think it makes ... does that make your job easier or harder, having all the information and having people being able to track things, their activity?
Diana Murphy: It's awesome, but if you use it against yourself, it is not. So, I have clients that will feel like a failure. Again, I work with type A, high-achieving people, men and women that if they notice that they are at 9500, and they're dog-tired, but their goal was 10000, instead of celebrating that they did 9500, and they're walking every day of the week, and they weren't last week, they might use it against themselves. So, actually, a lot of those devices, the scale itself, what we weigh and what happens on those moments, and that could be a whole radio show, that when we realize that we're using those things against us, I will help unlock. And then, that's just them seeing their mind and understanding how they're reacting. And so, I help them unlock that, so they can use those devices in a really positive way.
Corey Rieck: One of the other things that you do for your clients is you help them reduce stress.
Diana Murphy: Yes.
Corey Rieck: How?
Diana Murphy: Can you guess maybe about the thinking? So, I love these examples. I work with salespeople quite a bit with some of the workshops and things that I do, and I love that energy, sales energy, because that's like solopreneur energy. It's usually very salesy as well. And it's the third week of the month, and they have not hit their numbers. They've hit numbers, but they haven't hit the goal, like the big achievement. And I literally will watch them, and watch their mind with them, and see what they're so, so, so stressed because they have not hit their numbers. What their brain is offering to them is you're not going to pay the mortgage, your wife is going to leave you, and everything's going to go to unpack, right? And that is the space where I help them to see that those are literally the thoughts that they're thinking when they first think, "I'm not going to hit my numbers."
Diana Murphy: And that's what I'm talking about, Believing, it's like if you believe that the next client was around the corner, what would you do in this moment? And that's when if we think we're not gonna make our numbers, we're gonna shrink back, go eat, go drink with our buddies at night and commiserate. But if we start practicing believing in that moment. And it's tricky because our brain will offer the negative, and then we look at it and go, "Okay, I know why I'm so stressed out in this moment. I'm just thinking it's all gonna go south, big south. And I will think a new way in that moment." It's interrupting it and practicing that in the moment. It's like, "Nope, the next client is around the corner. I'm getting on the phone."
Corey Rieck: Yeah. I think people make up things, and then-.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, our brain loves to offer very negative, dark thoughts. It's natural.
Corey Rieck: I do a lot of reading, and one of the things that comes up for executives, and something that helps them get started to their day is showing some form of gratitude.
Diana Murphy: Yes.
Corey Rieck: What do you think about that?
Diana Murphy: I do it everyday.
Corey Rieck: How?
Diana Murphy: I have a journal that my friend created that is so awesome. And I'll have that link. I actually have it at the front page of my website, Mary Ellen Garde Coaching. And it is taking time of what is the best self-care for me that day. So, that might be a rest day, might be an activity day, but the next three questions, she's developed a practice of her own of just amazing gratitude. And I always note 3 gratitudes every day. And it helps me be very, very present.
Remember, we talked about numbers. I can have a week that I have not talked to a new potential client, or it's been very quiet in the growth part of my business. And if I don't take that practice at going back to gratitude, I'll forget all the amazing phone calls and connections that I had that week. And I won't go to the dark, but that will help me stay out of the dark place. It really does. And really remembering how much we have around us when we operate in abundance and not scarcity, and that's what gratitude does, right? It really gives us a lot of hope. And it helps me to move forward for sure.
Corey Rieck: Well, it makes what we have enough.
Diana Murphy: I mean, in this world, for most of us, like most of our listeners, like we have so much. We're living in such a abundant culture.
Corey Rieck: While the number that I've always read in these articles that I read early in the morning is three.
Diana Murphy: Yeah. Ain't that funny, the magic number of three?
Corey Rieck: Whether it's three personal notes, or three texts, or "Hey, I thought you did a great job on that," or "Hey, I saw an article about your son and that's really cool. Congrats. You must be so proud." And for me, when I do that, it does have a very, very strong effect and kind of gives a push at the start of the day, and maybe initially might make folks do things that they wouldn't normally do if they didn't have that gratitude and have that space in their brain to be, "Yeah, this is possible."
Corey Rieck: Another article that I saw related to sales had somebody looking at the difference of having to call this client. And what he taught himself was, "I get to call this client." And while it might seem strange, I thought, "Wow, that's helpful. Yeah, I have to X, Y, Z," or "I get to." It makes a big difference.
Diana Murphy: It really does. We create an opportunity. I have the opportunity, I get to. And I know for me, I have switched, especially as an early business owner three or four years ago, you can keep saying, "I have no clients," and then realize how much you're serving others by some of the groups that you're speaking to or anything that you really do, you are coaching and serving those clients. But it is really the ... what's shifted the most for me is focusing on that other person on the phone and just saying, "I can't wait to see what's going to come of this conversation. I can't wait to see what's going to grow from this," because it's always different than I expect. I don't know about you if you've had that experience. Like, I can't wait to what this opportunity is going to be.
Corey Rieck: Well, I think that kind of fits in with the whole ... I don't remember who said this, but I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "You should do something that scares you every day."
Diana Murphy: Yes.
Corey Rieck: And I think that sort of fits into that. At least, in my opinion it does. And if you're able to sort of overcome something that maybe you think at the beginning, "Can I really do this?" Here's an example. My sister, who retired from teaching after 36 years came down to visit me about a month ago. And we went to I Fly.
Diana Murphy: I've seen the pictures. I think I need to put that on my list.
Corey Rieck: Like none of us had any-
Diana Murphy: I got to do this.
Corey Rieck: And none of us had any idea what was it gonna be like. I was kind like, "Ah." But then, you do it and you're like, "Wow, that's really cool." And then, the rest of the day was very, very a lot of fun and didn't seem like a big deal. And you sort of had this obstacle on some level, big or small, and you conquer it. And it does give you a lot of energy to have a great rest of the day.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, yeah.
Corey Rieck: And from that standpoint, it came from being in a place of gratitude for having my sister here and being able to spend that time with her and do something that's kind of different.
Diana Murphy: Yeah. Yeah, I celebrate. People talk about Friyay, and I do Fun Friday. I do them as events, but I also really make sure my Fridays are either a flex workday, doing something I really want to creatively. Like today is Friday, and I'm so excited that this was one of the activities. So, I love that part. So, that's where that brought me with the flying. But fear is when we do something really new, it's natural for our body. I think this is really important for listeners to understand. It's very natural. And when we learn to just accept it but not decide from it, that's when we are going to fly. I didn't even know I was making an analogy with your flying experience, but it's really true.
Corey Rieck: One of the things that I've also read is that a lot of folks, coaches coach their clients to have free days. Meaning, they don't work, or they don't use technology, or they're sort of disconnected. What are your thoughts on that?
Diana Murphy: Well, I think the day might be way too big for most business owners. And I know it's starting to be for me. I am starting to enjoy working a little more on Fridays. And now, I'm just creating more creative days in that. And that's really working for me. But it's a float day. If I really had been gunning at a project, I will just block it, and just do whatever I want to do. So, it might be arranging flowers. It might be cooking. It might be going out to lunch with friends. So, you don't want to see it as such a big thing that you never scheduled it.
So, for some people, I know I've worked with a lot of corporate women that even just going out to lunch with a girlfriend is about all she can squeeze in, in reality. But when she starts doing some of those things or he does, then it's like golfing, which is quite a big chunk a day. So, maybe that's not with my example, but I think taking very small bits at first and honoring, when you realize how much that energizes you, you will seek to do more of it.
So, I think thinking of it too big, that's what we do. And then, we don't do it at all. So, I think starting small. With like even just half a day, going and doing ... what is it called? Fly? Anyone?
Corey Rieck: I Fly.
Diana Murphy: I Fly. Yeah. So, doing just that. And then, you realize how amazing it was, and you need to plan a whole day of doing something else new and brave or just fun.
Corey Rieck: One of the things that you help people with is increasing mental stamina.
Diana Murphy: Yes.
Corey Rieck: I think that, if it's not off the top of the list for business executives, owners, and solopreneurs, it's near the top.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, yeah.
Corey Rieck: How do you help people do that?
Diana Murphy: Okay. So, again, if you are eating better and having some movement, it doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be weight lifting six days a week. In fact, I don't usually recommend that because it's, again, so big. But for some, it works. So, that is one way to fuel our mental energy, for sure. But I work much more deeply on the mental energy aspect. So, just a simple example, running a business is hard. Just think how that felt. Running a business is hard. That slows me down. It makes me feel sluggish. That little thought in our head-
Corey Rieck: As opposed to, "I get to run a business."
Diana Murphy: Yeah, I get to run a business. And what if it was easy?
Corey Rieck: Everybody would do it.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, but it's just our brain. The people that are succeeding at six-figure and seven-figure businesses have created a headspace where they believe that it's easy. And they live very simplified lives. They're very narrow in their approach. And sometimes, in the growth as a business, it's kind of cluttery, and busy, and it's narrowing that thing down. That's what's happening for me right now as I am just getting very narrowly focused. And it's making it seem very simple. And then, I know how to go. But if we think it's hard, it'll feel hard, and it'll slow us down.
Corey Rieck: Well, I think of the clutter aspect, I always had, when I worked for other companies as a salesperson, my boss has always indicated to me that, "Hey, if your desk is a mess, you're busy-"
Diana Murphy: Yeah, it's just a representation.
Corey Rieck: "... your clients are a mess."
Diana Murphy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Corey Rieck: And-
Diana Murphy: They're just cluttering your brain.
Corey Rieck: Something as something as simple as washing my car has a huge effect, and it's just taking on some level ... on some small level, that takes an amount of clutter away.
Diana Murphy: Yes, absolutely.
Corey Rieck: You have a classic car on the outside, on the inside, and it does something to it when you're getting into it. And I'm sure the same is true with a house, office, and so on. And for me, I like to, where possible, make sure that I have less clutter as opposed to more. It's just one more thing to sort of take your attention.
Diana Murphy: Yeah. And I think for solopreneurs, for the listeners out there that work behind their desk and don't need to get dressed up very often, I think some of those things can happen. I just listened to a podcast of my favorite people that how we show up, whether it's our car, or whether it's like putting makeup on for women, or for men, dressing, and us dressing in business casual instead of yoga pants or shorts and t-shirt, even though we're just on the phone, I think really makes a difference of putting ourselves into a really positive headspace. It can be that simple when we're having a hard day.
Corey Rieck: Do you have certain exercises that you like for your clients better than others? I mean, to me, it's a never ending source of fascination. There's this generation of folks that use CrossFit, there's yoga, there's running, swimming, there's hit. There's all these different-
Diana Murphy: Yeah.
Corey Rieck: How do you help your clients that don't have a lot of experience with exercise? How do you help them find those events?
Diana Murphy: Yeah. It's the couch potato to the 5K, right? Or the couch potato to a gym rat? I am that person. I was a weight watcher leader in the corporate space, and I was not doing anything. And I'd lost weight, so I felt much lighter. And on weekends, I was wrecking my body, hiking really big, long distances. Now, I could do it, but my body was hurting after because I wasn't doing anything else. And so, for my clients and from my own experience, it's starting with some small, very consistent steps. So, it's 15 minutes of a walk every day. And I will design this based on what lights them up a little bit.
Diana Murphy: And actually, even asking yourself, what is your body craving? And most will say, like, "Oh, I'm walking all the time, but I haven't lifted a weight in months." And they know from my asking that question what their body is craving. And you cannot couch potato to hiit workouts. You will be so sore you'll never go back. Now, it doesn't mean you'll never get there. It might be just two weeks of being consistent, and stretching, and getting your body and your mind ready, or just starting slow enough with a trainer of just getting some of those base muscles strong. And always, if you want to be that person, and you think CrossFit would be amazing, then start doing your homework of who are the best trainers, who's going to help you safely get there, and keep that on your goal list. And I'm doing these things, so I can be a CrossFit person.
I did not know. I knew I wanted to be the 90-year-old woman in the YMCA in the dorky outfit and working out all the time. And I realized I wasn't doing it now. So, how was I going to do that as a long-term thing? That's what triggered it for me. But it really is a lot of steps, like the steps between that, and I work out with people that are much younger than me, and I keep up with them. And it is like, now, a stress release, that it is a mental readjustment that I do need three sweaty workouts a week, and I find the places to do that. And I found what I love. I love stability, functional workouts are fabulous for most people, because I want to be that woman that doesn't fall when she's in her 80s.
Corey Rieck: You said something that I think is incredibly important for people just considering or contemplating an exercise regimen. That's take some small steps, get started, take one step.
Diana Murphy: One step.
Corey Rieck: And I get loud and clear that you're very helpful and supportive in getting people to make themselves feel all right about doing that.
Diana Murphy: Absolutely. Yeah, because we always ... if we are business owners, we had to dream big to even get to where we are now. So, our brain goes to the same place when we do anything else. That's what I love. I love people that think big, and dream, and work really hard. But when we do that, we use it against ourselves when it's around taking care of our bodies for some reason. And so, it's unlocking some of that critical, "I should be a marathon runner." I was like, "No, you had knee surgery two weeks ago. I think we might want to start with something else." And so, it's helping people to see not a reality, but what really, actually, they're desiring to do, not what their brain is offering.
Corey Rieck: I think putting all of this together is really talking to someone and being able to put everything sort of in its place and put it all together - nutrition, activity, making sure you're eating the right fuel throughout the day. And looking at food as fuel as opposed to binging. So, I think all of this, it fits together. Do you work with the business people that you coach on, "Hey, here's what you should be doing every hour of the day"? Do you coach them with that? Do you talk about that? Do your clients come to you and say, "Diana, I'm not sure what the best time of day for me to do social media is"? Do they come to you and get that granular?
Diana Murphy: So, certainly. I think it comes out of a frustration that things aren't going how they thought, and-
Corey Rieck: Business owners are frustrated?
Diana Murphy: I know, we do all the time. I do. And it's really looking at, again, what is lighting you up? What is a good energy time a day. It's really helping them to be more curious. So, like a homework might be really mapping that out. And as you go from frustration, you look at the thought. So, why are you frustrated? I help people do that very self coaching-wise, as well as on the phone with me. And it's like, "Oh, I'm frustrated cause I think I should be doing blank, blank, blank. I remember Diana saying that. Okay. What do I want to do here? And when am I really high energy?" And I'm learning that about myself, I'm making myself go to bed earlier because I can produce, oh my God, between 6:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m., I could turn a world on fire.
Corey Rieck: It's best part of the day.
Diana Murphy: And I'm betting more attention to that. And it is for me, It isn't for everyone. And so, it's helping them wire it for themselves.
Corey Rieck: How do you help your clients be more available when they're on their personal time? I know you do a lot of work with nutrition and fitness. And my wife and I go out to eat frequently, and we'll see a whole family on their phones at dinner. And back when I was growing up a hundred years ago, I mean, we would come home, and you had to be home at 5:00 or 5:30, dinner was at 5:30, and everybody talked about that day. And it was a way to sort of reconnect. And to me, it seems like it is a little more of a challenge now for families to get that connection because of all the things that everybody has going on and because of our communication devices. What perspective do you offer your clients on those things?
Diana Murphy: One of the first books I give most clients is The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner. And it is a small book, and it was life changing for me when I read it. And it was learning to be very present in every present moment. So, like in this interview, I just want to be with you and be very focused and present. If it was the first year of my business, I would be so nervous about what I was saying. And I have learned to really get grounded and be very present. I don't know about you, Corey, but a lot of times when I'm with my family and with others, I'm always thinking about my what's next in my business. And I don't like it. It's very distracting.
Corey Rieck: It's easy to do, though.
Diana Murphy: It is easy and it's normal. It's normal. But I think providing some parameters yourself first, that when you're there, you're going to stay very present. You don't even have to make the boundaries or put your phone down. What about you just ask that child a question like, "Hey, dude, what's on your mind today?" Not in a critical way, not in a disappointed that they're not engaging with you, but just go where they are, be very present, and say, "Hey, what's on your mind? What was a tough part of the day today? What's going on?" Like, "I heard your friends-"like that you've been on, that you've overheard something. And you can sense that they're upset about something and it's like, "Hey, I've heard you and your friends talking about this. What's what's going on for you? How can I support you?"
And I put my phone down, right. And even that putting the phone up is just that we want to be buffered. We want to not feel the emotions we're feeling. So, we, as parents, if we can lead by managing our emotions, by learning more about them, which is what I do and coach, and being very present, "Okay. I'm with my family. I know I need to work at 8:00 p.m., but I am going to be here when I'm here," can be the beginning of setting that culture in your own family.
Corey Rieck: Giving them permission to enjoy other family.
Diana Murphy: Because when we're thinking about our work when we're not there, we are afraid we're gonna forget ideas, like let's just turn it off and know I can do this when it's 8:00 p.m., and giving yourself permission. If you do need to work at night, work at night, but work that hour and honor the time when you do have an opportunity to be with your family.
Corey Rieck: What do you do with any free time that you have?
Diana Murphy: Oh, I am really invested in my church and mentoring young women there. I have three women I'm mentoring. So, I do life with them with a call once a month or a visit. Some of them moved, so we had to do my virtual work. So, I do volunteer there. Free time-wise, I love ... at this point, my free time is just enjoying taking care of my home in the way that I love doing. And so, it might be fresh flowers, it might be planning a trip, and going to the mountains. Really, I am a work enthusiast right now. So, that off time is not heavily invested, but I love giving kind of tithing at 10% to 15% of my time in a way that I really feel valuable. And I'm finding more ways to do that. It might have hit a little button of knowing that I should be doing more.
Corey Rieck: Well, the basis of the show is to talk about all the great accomplishments that women are making to their companies, the communities, and to the areas that they live in. And I think it's not often talked about, or if it is talked about, it's talked about with asterisks and things like that. And so, I think, to that end, if there's a lot of great things happening out there that women of all ages are contributing toward. And to that end, we're happy to be a small part of that.
Diana Murphy: Yeah, I do think that some things really occurred to me. That mentoring piece, like it was very natural for me to offer to do that in a very structured way in my church. But I'm noticing that as I talk to other people, and if they're talking about their young daughters struggling, I'm like, "Oh, please, just have her call me," because I wish I had that support when I was younger. And I know a lot of the networking organizations that I'm working in right now, and that is a place I serve, I do usually serve on committees of places where I spend my time.
And then, there's always great charities that those organizations are offering. But I love that groups are starting to get more involved with mentoring programs within the networking. Like there's a Young Bucks Program that's part of Buckhead Business Association. I love helping. And there's a woman there that is like a diehard podcast listener. And I love her so much because she encourages me. And do you see how that's so twofold? I think creating those kind of opportunities, there's a place I'm really hungry to do more on that.
Corey Rieck: Do you think that with everything that's gone on in the last 35 to 36 years with the advent of the internet, the availability of information ... and I'll give you an analogy. I think we know when I was playing high school football and we were practicing in full pads twice a day, the coaches would say, you're not drinking that water. 100 degrees out there with 80 percent humidity. And I think about that-.
Diana Murphy: Fascinating we lived through our childhood.
Corey Rieck: Think about how stupid that is, and how hydration, where we sort of generally talked about drinking water 35 to 40 years ago, and how important it is now.
Diana Murphy: Yeah.
Corey Rieck: And whether it's replacing electrolytes, whether it's Gatorade or Powerade or something like that, how important that hydration is because many times, I'll eat something and my wife will say to me, "Do you just need to drink water?" I'll be like, "Yeah, you're right." So, I think about all of these things, and how time has progressed, and smartphones. And I'm wondering, is it a lot more difficult to be a parent now? Is it a lot more difficult to be a kid now with everything that's going on?
Diana Murphy: I think, like raising a child right now - and my kids are grown, so I'll be watching this when they start having children, if they do - Is the social media distraction. It really didn't start for my kids until they were in seventh grade, which is very minor with a cellphone, but it wasn't apps or anything yet. And so, I do think it is really challenging. I think that families are just going to have to make decisions about how to use it and leverage it. And I do think like that's that.
Diana Murphy: When you're talking about clean water, I was like, "Wait, there's like, how would we not know that there are people that are suffering that don't have access to clean water," which is a huge opportunity for us to help. We wouldn't know about that if we didn't have social media. We wouldn't know about ways to help others. So, I do love looking at the way we can leverage it. I know there's people that cannot afford to work with me, but I know in my podcast, I'm coaching them every week. And so, I do think that we have to look at the positive and leverage it, and look at the dangers, look at the things that can take us off of it, but really just continue to point our brain in the way, how can we leverage this? Where do I want to have some healthy boundaries around it?
Corey Rieck: I think all those things, especially about social media, social media can certainly accelerate things.
Diana Murphy: Yeah. Oh, yes.
Corey Rieck: But it can also accentuate the positive and get the good word out about various things. But I think from a standpoint of bullying, which let's be frank, it's been around forever, I think that also accelerates that too.
Diana Murphy: I agree.
Corey Rieck: And on some level, it makes it a little more difficult to be a kid and a parent now just for that. Just with that aspect of it.
Corey Rieck: Right. I'm going to age myself. I'm going to date myself here. If you were going to gossip about someone, it would be live with a group of friends, or you would get on the phone. And I experienced it with one of my sons that it was, at the time, I think an Insta chat or it was the early Facebook. And he was showing me conversations that that person would never have said anything in front of his face like that. And the damage that I had did to help him do in that moment. But, yeah, it really can exist because we say things from a phone, or an app, or a computer that we would never say in front of another person, because that's where our real humanness is and that's where it is really. It's like I don't know what it is about that, but I could say something about you behind a computer. It would be really easy, but I would never say- Is it going to be good?
Diana Murphy: Of course, it would be good. But do you see the difference or the energy of two human beings being in the room, you would honor that part of humanness in yourself. But we get behind a screen, and I don't understand it, but it does, it's a way of hiding, and the ugliness can come out because we feel like we can say the worst of things.
Corey Rieck: Well, I think there's a faction of people that are okay with confrontation. I think there's a faction of people that are not okay with it. And being able to do this virtually behind a keyboard maybe makes that easier for those people that don't that wouldn't do, that wouldn't personally confront people on various matters.
Diana Murphy: Well, I think it's really important for parents that are the parents of the bulliers, of course, that would be the way to go, we always want them to change. But understanding when others have a capability of speaking that ill of anyone, they cannot do that without having that against themselves. They are having those ugly conversations first with themselves before they're ever capable of saying that about someone else. And the minute I had that on that understanding as I was raising my kids, it creates a compassion and a more creative way to handle the situation. Those kids that are doing that are heaping that on themselves before. They just would not be capable of saying it.
Corey Rieck: I think you're right about that.
Diana Murphy: That's where like love heals all wounds. But that's like getting creative of really seeing what's going on for that person that is capable of that. It's just fascinating. When a client is judging someone else, they'll talk about their boss in a really ugly way. And I'll just stop them and ask them, I said, "Okay. So, where are you judging yourself in this because your ability to say that about them, it is-"
Corey Rieck: You've owned it somewhere.
Diana Murphy: " ... you've already. But you are already saying that against yourself." It's just fascinating. So, when we take really good emotional care of ourselves first, we show up in the world in a much different way.
Corey Rieck: I think you're a hundred percent right about that. I think you're right about, for what it's worth, the boundaries on social media. It can be a very, very good force for good. It can be a force for not so good. And it's fascinating to me to watch the good and the bad and the indifferent unfold on that. Well, you've been a tremendous guest here, Diana. And I mean, out of all of your success, and kind of how you show up, and how you treat people. And there's no question that you're gonna have continued success. Two questions we always close the show with. One, if there was a young lady that we're gonna follow in your footsteps, what would you tell her?
Diana Murphy: Oh. Really, it starts with you are an amazing, perfect human being, and that there is something very, very special about you that was meant to operate in the world that way, and do whatever it takes to get rid of this self-critical piece of that, so that that shines.
Corey Rieck: If you could give the younger version of Diana some advice, what would that entail?
Diana Murphy:Oh, self-coaching one on one. Okay. And it's happening for me now in a big growth step in my business, but it is really remembering. And there's a book, The ONE Thing, right? It's essentialism. Another great book. But it is really remembering what is most important and really honoring no matter how I feel, if I feel triggers of fear, triggers of frustration, to get very quiet with myself and remember what I am really designed to be doing like right now. And do it.
Corey Rieck: Outstanding.
Diana Murphy: And do it anyway.
Corey Rieck: Well, Diana, you've been a great guest. Her website is dianamurphycoaching.com. If people, the listenership, wanted to get a hold of you, Diana, how would they best do that?
Diana Murphy: I'd love if they just send an email. Now, they can opt in, there's a video series that I'm actually changing. Watch for a new. They can opt in there and share their e-mail that way. And they'll hear about what's going on in DM Coaching. But they are more than welcome to send me an email, diana@dianamurphycoaching. And any question that came of this or any curiosity, I can send them to a podcast episode, or a book I've read. I would love to just be a resource for anyone that this got their interest.
Corey Rieck: Well, you've been a tremendous guest. Diana Murphy today, dianamurphycoaching.com. Continued success. And thank you for being such a great guest today.
Diana Murphy: Oh, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much, Corey.
Katy Galli: Well, thank you, Diana and Corey, for another great episode of Tuesdays with Corey. And of course, Tuesdays with Corey would not be made possible without The Long Term Care Planning Group. And if you want to learn more about Corey or The Long Term Care Planning Group, visit thelongtermcareplanninggroup.com. Thanks, everybody. And we'll see you all next time.